Saturday, April 23, 2011

Regina Drivers

© MMXI V.1.0.8
by Morley Evans

They think they can drive (they know everything), but drivers in Regina have many faults. Off the top of my head, a few are:

  1. Regina drivers are aggressive. They are in a race all the time. It is very important to get ahead so they will be first on the start line at the next red light or stop sign.
  2. Regina drivers are unpredictable since they don't understand the basic rules.
  3. Regina drivers don't know where to stop at an intersection. They are invariably part-way into the intersection. Then they creep ahead. What are they going to do one wonders?
  4. Regina drivers pass on the right rather than slow down or stop in their lane. They will pass on the right even if there is only one lane, as long as they can squeeze by!
  5. Regina drivers rarely take their foot off the gas or put it on the brake. "Full speed ahead!"
  6. If Regina drivers see an opening, however small, they will try to squeeze through. Be very careful when backing out of a stall in a parking lot. A car may suddenly be there that wasn't there when you looked a second before.
  7. If Regina drivers think they have "the right of way" they will run into you. They will. Believe it.
  8. Regina drivers do not understand the concept of "right of way". It is not a license to run into someone. The first rule of driving is to avoid collisions.
  9. Regina drivers do not understand courtesy. It is a foreign concept.
  10. Regina drivers are lane hoppers. They are in a big hurry to get someplace important. I wonder where that could be? This is Regina where nothing is very important.
  11. Regina drivers can't count to one at a 4-way stop. Yet, that is where they are most predictable.
  12. Regina drivers practice "rolling stops" at intersections. They roll through stop signs.
  13. Regina drivers will never never let you change lanes. They will speed up or slow down to block you. Believe it or not.
  14. Regina drivers are inspired by the Demolition Derby. SGI used to pay for all the fender benders. They now have "driver education" and don't pay claims so now SGI can make a profit like a real insurance company.
  15. Most importantly, Regina drivers never never give the other guy a break. "Yield no quarter, give none, and never retreat" is their motto.
  16. When it is icy, Regina drivers are worse.
  17. If one yields the right of way to Regina drivers, they won't know what one is doing. "What's he up to," they wonder with a snarl?
  18. Regina drivers never say Thank You when one waves them on. They may give you a dirty look. "Why doesn't he learn how to drive, like me?"
  19. Regina drivers old, young, men and women all drive like teenage boys.
  20. The instant a light turns green, Regina drivers will honk, "Wake up. Get Going. I'm in a hurry. I'm important!"
  21. If one slows to look at a house number even on a deserted street, a car will appear out of nowhere and honk. Regina drivers say, "Get out of my way! I'm important!"
  22. Regina drivers will leave someone turning left stranded forever at a "T" intersection. Don't turn left. Avoid "T" intersections. Use 4-way stops or intersections with traffic lights. Buy an M1A2.
  23. Racing through yellow lights is common. Regina drivers are always in a hurry.
  24. Regina drivers are exceptionally considerate of pedestrians, especially jay-walkers, yet they have killed more than a few people who have been run down. Pedestrians wander across streets, apparently daring drivers to kill them. Joggers jog on the streets at night wearing black. Bicyclists have the same habits as walkers and joggers. They dress like Ninjas.
  25. Some Regina drivers driving drunk and running red lights at 60 mph have killed people. They are not charged and they continue to drive.
  26. Street racing is a popular night time sport with some Regina drivers. Where are the cops?
  27. Driving can be dangerous when Regina drivers take to the road. It is open season and you are game.
  28. If one meets these Regina drivers inside a Safeway, they are the most courteous people one could hope to find anywhere. They know how to drive shopping carts.
I lived in Los Angeles for a year. They have millions of cars there. I drove all over LA and southern California and never had a problem. Angelenos know how to drive. They are courteous. I lived for three years in Vancouver which is not as big as Los Angeles but much much bigger than Regina. They are excellent courteous drivers in Vancouver. A friend moved here from New York City thirty years ago. He pointed out how bad Regina's drivers are. "They demanded that I take driver training," he complained. I didn't know what he was talking about then because I used to drive like Regina drivers myself. In Calgary, they drive like Regina drivers. That's because they moved to Calgary from Regina and Saskatoon (where they are as bad). A friend commented that people in Phoenix who drive the way they drive in Regina are quietly followed home and shot in their driveways. (They don't do things like that in California — just Arizona and Texas.)

I haven't driven in Bangkok or Beijing. Maybe things are worse. Maybe they are better. One would think SGI and the cops would be interested in my observations. THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. THAT IS THE HALLMARK OF REGINA where people know everything and listen to no one. My solution is to avoid Regina drivers as much as possible. But that strategy too has problems. If one is driving along on a deserted stretch of road minding one's own business one may find the cops have set up a speed trap and it will cost $140 for driving 38 mph in a 30 mph zone that is not even posted. Assiniboine Avenue along the north side of the Riverside Cemetery is a favourite place for speed traps. Another is Pasqua Street beside the Lakeview Golf Course. The cops are not your friends, they are just another road hazard like pot holes and ignorant drivers in Regina.

Maybe I have a complex; if I don't have a complex, I should have a complex.

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